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Adventure Comics 333
"The War Between Krypton and Earth!"

COVER IMAGE NOT FOUND BRAD: Hello again. This time I'm taking my life in my hands by daring to make fun of the Legion of Super-Heroes.

RAVEN: There are a lot of Legion fans out there.

WALDO: And some of them have guns.

BRAD: Right you are, my little robot pals, so let's not keep them waiting. Originally run in ADVENTURE #333, this story features art by John Forte and writing by Edmund Hamilton.

WALDO: Oh, he's good.

NARRATOR: The members of the Legion of Super-Heroes have gone on many heroic missions, but never on such a daring one as they now undertake! Through space and time, the Legionnaires venture to solve a cosmic mystery, and, tragically, they find themselves battling each other, as they take part in-- THE WAR BETWEEN KRYPTON AND EARTH!

RAVEN: Not to be confused with BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS.

BRAINIAC 5: I warn you, Superboy, you'll have to fight us if you side with the Kryptonians in this war!

BRAD: Some war! I've seen church youth groups that look more menacing!

SUPERBOY: We DO side with the Kryptonians... even though it means battling our fellow Legionnaires!

WALDO: Rally ze troops, Beau Geste!

NARRATOR: One day, when Superboy visits the clubhouse of the Legion of Super-Heroes in the 30th Century...

SUPERBOY: You mean you're the only Legionnaire here, Triplicate Girl? Where are the others?

TRIPLICATE GIRL: Several are with Mon-El on a distant space mission!

RAVEN: Ah, the distant space mission -- the Silver Age version of getting hit by a truck.

TRIPLICATE GIRL: The rest are working on an archaeological project! I'll take you to them!

WALDO: Good thing she didn't suggest we stay here and neck...

NARRATOR: On a little island in the Atlantic Ocean, Phantom Girl has used her unique power of walking through solid matter to make a discovery!

BRAD: It's the wreck of the S.S. Minnow!

PHANTOM GIRL: Deep in this rock is buried a metal tablet, with strange writing inscribed on it! Superboy can get it easily, now that he's here!

LIGHT LASS: I'll make it even easier for you, Superboy!

NARRATOR: And Light Lass utilizes her super-power of making any object super-light!

RAVEN: Which is a bigger help to new readers than to Superboy.

SUPERBOY: Thanks, Light Lass... but... who made that strange tablet? It's in rock strata formed eons before my own 20th-century time!... Why, it's in the language of Krypton, my native world! "We of Krypton set up this tablet to commemorate our war against the people of Earth..."

BRAINIAC 5: But... I didn't know that, long ago, the people of Krypton invaded Earth!

WALDO: Oh, so there's something Mister Computer-Mind DOESN'T know?

SUPERBOY: Neither did I! There's no record of this in the history of Krypton! Maybe the tablet is a clever fake!

BRAD: If the Fatal Five show up, tell 'em we're busy!

NARRATOR: Later, after a machine operated by Brainiac 5 has analyzed the tablet...

BRAINIAC 5: There's no doubt... Radio-carbon testing shows this tablet was made and inscribed millions of years ago!

SUPERBOY: Then... there's a chapter of Krypton's history, of war with Earth, that's been unknown till now! I'm going back through time and solve this mystery!

BRAINIAC 5: Wait, Superboy! You may need help to solve it!

WALDO: At least a whole box of Scooby Snacks!

BRAINIAC 5: We available Legionnaires could go back into the past with you, in our time-globes!

SATURN GIRL: I'll call a vote on the question!

NARRATOR: The Legion makes a fateful decision...


SATURN GIRL: The vote is unanimous! We'll go in two time globes-- one to ancient Krypton, the other to ancient Earth, to investigate this cosmic mystery!

BRAD: Ret's ro!

TRIPLICATE GIRL: I'll stay here in case any emergencies arise! When Mon-El returns, I'll send him through the time-barrier after you!

RAVEN: Another Silver Age staple -- monitor duty! Good thing we've got Triplicate Girl on hand to give Universo a triple noogie!

NARRATOR: Back through time and space speeds the globe commanded by Saturn Girl!

SATURN GIRL: Besides you and me, we have Colossal Boy, Lighting Lad, and Element Lad... Together, we should be able to penetrate the mystery!

BRAD: Not exactly the Black Widowers, are they?

SUPERBOY: We'll come out of the time-dimension any moment! And under the red sun of Krypton, I'll have no super-powers!

WALDO: But I've still got a bitchin' bod!

NARRATOR: When the time-globe emerges from the time- dimension in the remote past, an awesome sight greets the Super-Heroes!

SUPERBOY: Krypton... as it was millions of years in the past! But... I see no scientific works, no great cities... nothing but a few small towns!

WALDO: Not even a YMCA!

SATURN GIRL: We'll go closer and examine one of those towns.

NARRATOR: When the Legionnaires approach a tiny community...

BRAD: Looks just like Smallville, eh, Clarkie?

SUPERBOY: The Kryptonians of this age could never go to Earth... they have no machines at all!

SATURN GIRL: This deepens the whole mystery! Wait... I'll use my telepathic power to sense if anybody on Krypton is thinking about scientific subjects!

WALDO: For $200.

SATURN GIRL: I'm getting thoughts, from north of here... Someone is thinking of nuclear power!

BRAD: And how they'll protest it once it's invented?

SUPERBOY: Impossible! These Kryptonians don't even have steam engines! Still, we'll follow your telepathic clue northward!

WALDO: Mush!

NARRATOR: Saturn Girl's power leads them toward one of the great natural wonders of Krypton!

RAVEN: Lyla Lerrol?

SUPERBOY: These are the Jewel Mountains... but why would scientific workers hide in this isolated valley?

BRAD: Their grant money ran out?

SATURN GIRL: I see people coming... we'll find out! You've taught us all the language of Krypton, so we can talk to them!

WALDO: Without those messy subtitles.

ZAT-EL: So you've hunted us down, to persecute us further! But I, Zat-El, tell you we won't give up our work... we'll fight first!

SUPERBOY: Hold on! We're not here to bother you! (voiceover) Zat-El? My family here on Krypton was the House of El...

RAVEN: Good thing he's not Kal-Pancake.

SUPERBOY: (vo) This man may be a remote ancestor of mine... or at least a relative!

RAVEN: Meeting an ancestor through time-travel, yet another Silver Age classic.

BRAD: Collect them all.

ZAT-EL: Don't pretend to be our friends... When everybody on Krypton hates us because we're scientists!

BRAD: Don't hate me because I'm rational.

SUPERBOY: You don't understand... we're not of Krypton, though I had Kryptonian ancestors! We're from another world!

WALDO: A whole new world...

ZAT-EL: From another world? Then maybe you could help us! You see, most of the people of Krypton are fanatically anti-scientific! That's why we had to hide our project here in the Jewel Mountains!

RAVEN: They took their families to the Jewel Mountains, so...

BRAD: Stop right there.

SUPERBOY: But... Why are the Kryptonians against science?

WALDO: She blinded them with it.

ZAT-EL: Science was just beginning to mature on our world, when a nuclear disaster wrecked a whole town and killed thousands!

BRAD: So where was Homer Simpson...?

ZAT-EL: Since then, the government has forbidden scientific research!

WALDO: And rental copies of THE CHINA SYNDROME.

SUPERBOY: (vo) Hmmm... old Kryptonian legend speaks of this time... when science was outlawed...

BRAD: And only outlaws had science.

SUPERBOY: (vo) Though later on, things changed and Krypton became a super-scientific world!

RAVEN: So, when Kryptonians get too scientific, something blows up.

BRAD: Why do you think Superman's a reporter?

NARRATOR: The early-day Kryptonian scientists have planned a daring project!

ZAT-EL: We have resolved to leave anti-scientific Krypton and establish a new civilization on another planet... Earth!

RAVEN: What, so Earth is like Krypton's Hawaii or something? Vacation destination of choice?

ZAT-EL: We're building a space ark, but our progress is very slow.

WALDO: Most furry fans don't have a sense of humor.

SUPERBOY: We can help you... my comrades have great powers!

NARRATOR: And when the Super-Heroes bring their powers into action, progress on the Space Ark is swift!

BRAD: Swift? HA! Three issues from Apple Comics and nothing for 20 years.

SATURN GIRL: Element Lad, who can change one element into another, is converting plates of rock into tough metal... and Lightning Lad, who has the power to hurl super- lightning, is using his bolts to weld the plates on fast!

RAVEN: The Legion of Super-Machinists.

ZAT-EL: It's truly wonderful! But remember... we want to take to Earth plants and animals... even the great, tame lizards of Krypton... as well as our people!

BRAD: Be embarrassing, go all the way to Earth and find all the stores are closed.

NARRATOR: Colossal Boy, using his super-power of making himself huge, is already engaged in collecting the mighty beasts...

COLOSSAL BOY: These great lizards of Krypton look just like the ancient dinosaurs of Earth... yet, to the Kryptonians, they're tame! They're shy of me, but I'm big enough to round them up! Think of it... we'll be bringing the first dinosaurs to Earth!

RAVEN: Dinosaurs with super-powers? Hey, has Spielberg read this?

BRAD: Either him or his lawyers.

NARRATOR: Ironically, the mighty Boy of Steel is now the weakest of the Legionnaires!

ZAT-EL: Too bad YOU have no super-powers like your comrades have, Kal-El! Then this work might be easier for you!

SUPERBOY: You're... *puff* ... right! (vo) But what a surprise Zat-El will get when we reach Earth and all we Kryptonians gain super-powers under Earth's yellow sun!

BRAD: I'm still worried about those super-velociraptors.

NARRATOR: Soon comes the day when the Kryptonian colonists board their huge Space Ark, and the mighty vessel takes off from Earth on a voyage of destiny!

RAVEN: On a quest of galaxies!

BRAD: All right.

RAVEN: On a trek of--


NARRATOR: But when the Space Ark approaches Earth, Superboy and his comrades get a terrific surprise!

LIGHTNING LAD: Look... in this time, milions of years in the past, Earth's sun is red, not yellow! Of course! Young suns are often red and turn yellow as they get older!

WALDO: Yeah, well, prosperity makes cowards of us all.

SUPERBOY: But... this means that on Earth, in this age, I won't have any super-powers! Neither will the other Kryptonians, or their animals!

BRAD: Just as well, or this would've been a mighty short war!

NARRATOR: After the Space Ark has landed...

WALDO: And Ken Mitchroney stops gnashing his teeth...

BYSTANDER: We've raised our flag... the flag of our homeworld, Krypton!

ZAT-EL: And I hereby read aloud our Declaration of Independence from Krypton: "We men and women of Krypton, desiring a new life in which our scientific work will not be hated and persecuted, do hereby declare that our new world, Earth, is forever independent from Krypton, and..."

BRAD: Thank you, and here's Cokie Roberts with her analysis.

NARRATOR: Presently, the Legionnaires set out to scout the unknown Earth of the Past!

SATURN GIRL: By means of our flying rings, we can quickly find the best location for your colony, Zat-El!

WALDO: We can fly, we can fly, we can fly!

NARRATOR: But soon, the scouting party gets an amazing shock!

SUPERBOY: Look there, ahead -- it's incredible!

SATURN GIRL: I can't believe my eyes!

RAVEN: *Gasp* Barney-- and Wilma!

NARRATOR: What do they behold? For the answer, let's go back a little and follow the other Legionnaire time-globe, commanded by Brainiac 5, who had with him Star Boy, Light Lass, Phantom Girl and Chameleon Boy! When they reached the Earth of the far past, they found...

RAVEN: B.C. leading choir practice.

LIGHT LASS: Look, Brainiac 5... A mighty city is being built here on Earth! It looks like a great civilization!

WALDO: Or at least above average.

BRAINIAC 5: But there were not yet any men on Earth in this age! Who is building that city?

BRAD: The women?

NARRATOR: As they approach the mystery city, they meet one of its people!

RAVEN: Whoa! Wanna come with me to the dinosaur races?

LETA: Who are you strangers? Where did you come from?

BRAINIAC 5: I can understand her! She speaks one of the many star-languages we Legionnaires all learned... the language of the people of the star Vruun!

WALDO: So this is before Interlac.

BRAD: I guess.

LETA: Of course! I, Leta Lal, am from that star system... my people came here to colonize the uninhabited Earth! Here we are building our city in this land we call Atlantis! We love it here, except that the air is a little irritating!

WALDO: Quite a chunk of foreshadowing you passed there.

NARRATOR: The legionnaires use their mighty power to help in the building of Atlantis...

BRAD: Which building? The post office? The donut shop?

LIGHT LASS: Phantom Girl has found the finest marble by walking through the solid rock... I'll make the stones light so you can carry them, Star Boy!

STAR BOY: My power of making things super-heavy isn't much use here, I guess!

WALDO: No, but Hamilton's power of making things super-obvious is.

NARRATOR: The building of Great Atlantis is rapidly completed.

BRAD: In fact, they all are.

ELDER: We of Atlantis thank you *cough* for your help!

RAVEN: Whoa, a two-pack-a-day man, Gramps?

CHAMELEON BOY: Brainiac 5! I reconnoitered as you directed... and I just saw a great spaceship landing near here!

BRAD: I want one just like it!

NARRATOR: And it is a view of mighty Atlantis that staggers the Legionnaires who came from Krypton in the Space Ark!

RAVEN: Would it have killed you guys to phone ahead?

LIGHTNING LAD: Earth isn't as uninhabited as the Kryptonians thought... look at that city! Brainiac 5, who built it? And who's that girl with you?

SUPERBOY: (vo) Whoever she is, she's beautiful...

RAVEN: What's with him? He trip over a libido in the dark or something?

LETA: I'm Leta Lal... (vo) That lad... staring at me... is so handsome...

WALDO: When Will met Grace.

LETA: Would you like to see our city, Superboy?

SUPERBOY: If you'll be my guide, I surely would!

WALDO: Just show me where you get your hair done.

NARRATOR: But suddenly, voices rise in argument!

BRAINIAC 5: But now that you know the Atlanteans have colonized Earth, your Kryptonian friends must leave here and go to some other world!

SATURN GIRL: How can you suggest such a thing? The Atlanteans made a terrific effort to get here! Why should they leave?

RAVEN: Get HER! She almost has a hair out of place.

BRAINIAC 5: If the Kryptonians don't leave, there surely will be a war...

WALDO: War! (Huh!) That's what we're here for!

BRAD: Absolutely.

BRAINIAC 5: The Atlanteans were on this world first, and will fight for it! And we, their Legionnaire friends, will fight alongside them!

SATURN GIRL: The Kryptonians are OUR friends... And if war comes, we're on THEIR side!

RAVEN: Are you as turned on as I am?

WALDO: Shut up and kiss me, you big green galoot!

NARRATOR: And so the Legion of Super-Heroes is riven by conflicting loyalties.

RAVEN: Riven? Hey, I missed that!

LETA: Goodbye, Superboy... I... I guess we'll never see each other again...

SUPERBOY: I must stand with my Kryptonian friends... but I hate to become your enemy, Leta Lal! Goodbye...

WALDO: I was hoping you could introduce me to all those dreamy Atlantean hunks.

BRAD: This is a good place for a break... Maybe later we'll find out why Waldo's taking a side trip on Nathan Lane...


BRAD: I was gonna have Raven wear this block of green foam rubber, and give Waldo this Farrah wig, so they could replay the Brainiac 5-Saturn Girl contretemps that brought about this story's crisis. Instead, I want to take this opportunity to ask Waldo why he's been ragging on Superboy all of a sudden.

WALDO: The answer's quite simple. It's because... of THIS!

BRAD: The flag of Krypton?

WALDO: Exactly! Prominently featured in today's story as well as on the cover!

RAVEN: Uh... Waldo, what's so bad about the flag of Krypton?

WALDO: Just look at it! It features the planet Krypton against a... R-A-I-N-B-O-W field! And we all know what a rainbow means!

BRAD: A pot of gold?

WALDO: NO! A rainbow is bad because it is a symbol of TOLERANCE!

RAVEN: And tolerance is a bad thing. Ooooo-kay.

WALDO: No, no, no! Tolerance is a good thing, but it becomes a bad thing, when it's used to tolerate bad things that don't tolerate good things, and that's what's intolerable!

BRAD: Ummm... so what does this have to do with you making swish jokes about Superboy?

WALDO: Because Superboy is Kryptonian! And the Krypton flag has a rainbow! Therefore! Superboy is aligned with those other people who use a rainbow as their symbol, a minority trying to force everyone else to their way of thinking!

BRAD:....Apple Computer?


RAVEN: What's with him?

BRAD: I think he's got the phone booth mixed up with the closet. But let's get back to the story...

NARRATOR: Upon the Earth of the remote past, where the race of earthmen has not even evolved yet, two peoples from distant worlds meet in a tremendous conflict... And part of that titanic struggle is... THE CIVIL WAR OF THE LEGION!

RAVEN: Lawsy, lawsy, Miz Saturn, I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no Validus!

NARRATOR: In Atlantis, Jhor Lal, the leader, rallies his people for war!

JHOR: We must prepare to battle the Kryptonian invaders! *Cough* Bring out all the Shock-Guns... They can strike our enemies senseless without killing them! Our Legionnaire allies will help us!

BRAD: Look how much they've helped already, by starting the war!

BRAINIAC 5: (vo) We couldn't aid them if they used deadly weapons... It's against our code!

RAVEN: I see. This will be one of those friendly wars.

NARRATOR: And in the Kryptonian camp...

SATURN GIRL: We'll help you in this war, Zat-El, as long as you only use those Stunner-Ray Projectors!

ZAT-EL: We don't want to kill the Atlanteans, just stun and defeat them... to show them that this planet belongs to us!

BRAD: One Kryptonian spaceship, one Atlantean city, and a whole empty planet? Oh yeah, this means war, alright...

NARRATOR: But there are two "enemies" who have no heart for the coming battle! In the city of Atlantis...

LETA: (vo) Why did it have to happen this way? Why did Superboy have to be a foe of Atlantis?

RAVEN: Why isn't my Nytol working?

NARRATOR: In the Kryptonian camp, the Boy of Steel broods on the same heartbreaking question...

SUPERBOY: (vo) I can't let the Kryptonians down. They're my own people! Yet how can I fight against Leta Lal's race?

WALDO: When I look at her I get all confused and stuff.

SATURN GIRL: Superboy, what are you doing here? We're holding our final council of war before the attack!

BRAD: I go to all this trouble to bring your people into war and this is the thanks I get!

SUPERBOY: All right... I was just thinking... But I'll come...

BRAD: Not one word, Waldo!

ZAT-EL: The Atlanteans will defend their city by canals which surround it, holding the bridges against us! But this portable bridge will enable us to surprise them at an undefended point! It's not quite finished yet!

BYSTANDER: (vo) I've heard their plan... I'd better get back and warn Atlantis!

NARRATOR: Once in the forest, the young "Kryptonian" changes to the leader of the Legion's Espionage Squad... Chameleon Boy!

RAVEN: You were expecting Light Lass, maybe?

CHAMELEON BOY: (vo) My super-power of altering my appearance fooled them, while I spied on them! It's lucky for me Saturn Girl didn't read my mind, or she might have caught me!

WALDO: More of Hamilton's oblique writing.

NARRATOR: When Chameleon Boy carries his warning back to Atlantis...

BRAINIAC 5: I've been trying to find out scientifically why Earth air irritates the Atlanteans, making them cough all the time...

BRAD: I thought it was so we could tell them from the Kryptonians.

CHAMELEON BOY: Brainiac 5! There's no time for such research now! The Kryptonian attack will come soon and we have to help meet it!

NARRATOR: Meanwhile...

RAVEN: Aaah! Another classic!

ZAT-EL: Since you Legionnaires can fly by using your flying rings, you can act as our scouts! We'll march after you!

SUPERBOY: Right! Colossal Boy will stay with you, for his special mission!

BRAD: To stamp out the Fifth Columnists!

NARRATOR: Zooming ahead as scouts for the two warring enemies, Legionnaires face each other in battle!

SATURN GIRL: Lightning Lad, I read Brainiac 5's plan telepathically... They're going to fly suddenly to our right and get behind us!

LIGHTNING LAD: I'll keep hurling super-lightning toward the right... It won't hit them, but it'll ruin their plan!

WALDO: Getting hit by lightning would mess up MY plans.

NARRATOR: And a civil war within the Legion rages across the sky.

BRAD: This "raging war" isn't as bloody as my last game of Laser Tag!

STAR BOY: Sorry to do this to an old pal, Element Lad, but I'm making you super-heavy to put you out of action!

ELEMENT LAD: (vo) I'm so heavy my flying ring won't keep me up... have to land...

RAVEN: And use my power to make some Viagra!

SATURN GIRL: (vo) Phantom Girl isn't among them... I'd better find out if they're using her for some sneak attack .. I'll try to catch her thoughts!

WALDO: In the future, soldiers will have to stay out of the mind field.

NARRATOR: And two super-heroes clash, not with super- powers, but with normal strength!

SUPERBOY: I'm taking you prisoner, Brainiac 5!

BRAINIAC 5: Try it! You forget I'm as strong as you are, under this red sun!

RAVEN: Plus he's still pumped from using the bunsen burner!

NARRATOR: As the Legion scouts clash above, the Kryptonian attackers reach Atlantis!

ATLANTEAN: They can't cross the canal... use your shock- guns to knock them out! Fight, men... for Atlantis!

WALDO: For Atlantis, mon braves!

KRYPTONIAN: Press forward, men, for New Krypton! In a moment we'll have a way to cross the canal!

BRAD: It's nearly ten feet across! A regular Maginot Line!

NARRATOR: Colossal Boy, having used his super-power of becoming huge, has brought the portable bridge...

COLOSSAL BOY: Now you can cross!

RAVEN: Why does he wear cowboy gloves?

KRYPTONIAN: On, men... Storm Atlantis!

WALDO: Phasers on wedgie!

NARRATOR: But Light Lass intervenes with her astounding power!

LIGHT LASS: I've made the bridge super-light, so you can easily pull it away!

WALDO: (low) The bridge!...LIEUTENANT!

ATLANTEAN: Thanks, Light Lass... we're overturning it! The invaders won't get into Atlantis this way!

BRAD: The Invaders are over at Marvel, anyhoo.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, Saturn Girl, using her telepathic power, has sensed a menace far behind the Kryptonians!

SATURN GIRL: Quick... I've sensed that Phantom Girl got behind our lines by walking through solid earth, and is creating a danger from our rear!

WALDO: Oh, what a blow that Phantom gave us!

NARRATOR: Back in the forest, Phantom Girl is using her strange ability to walk through solid matter!

PHANTOM GIRL: By walking through these tame dinosaurs, I'm panicking them... They'll stampede toward the Kryptonian invaders from the rear, and break up their attack on Atlantis!

BRAD: No deadly force, just a dinosaur stampede.

RAVEN: Silver Age morality.

NARRATOR: The colossal beasts break out of the forest in their panic!

SUPERBOY: That dinosaur stampede has to be stopped... without super-strength, I can't halt it... but you can. Lightning Lad!


RAVEN: Do... or do not! There is no--- HALP! GET THIS DINOSAUR OFF ME!

NARRATOR: A crackling barrage of lightning bursts in front of the fear-maddened dinosaurs!

SUPERBOY: That turned them!

COLOSSAL BOY: But this one got through and broke up the attack before I could subdue it!

WALDO: Hey, Colossal Boy, if you're done choking the lizard, we've still got a war to fight?

NARRATOR: Zat-El has been forced to order a retreat!

BRAD: For two weeks, no TV or fax machines, and only one phone line, to my therapist.

ZAT-EL: Our surprise attack failed... But we won't give up! Bring our comrades who were stunned by the Atlantean weapons! After we revive them, we'll renew our seige!

NARRATOR: But later, in the Kryptonian camp, a grim discovery is made!

KRYPTONIAN: Our comrades weren't stunned... they were KILLED!

RAVEN: And we didn't even get any cheesy armbands!

SUPERBOY: The Atlantean shock-guns aren't just knockout weapons, as we thought... they're deadly!

BRAD: What kind of war is it where people can get killed?

NARRATOR: Furious passion rises high among the men of Krypton!

RAVEN: Uh, they brought women with them, right?

ZAT-EL: If that's how the Atlanteans want to fight, so be it! We'll prepare a weapon that will destroy Atlantis!

SATURN GIRL: Superboy, I can't believe our comrades would ally themselves with killers! There's surely some explanation!

BRAD: Not killers, freedom fighters! Like Ollie North!

SUPERBOY: Saturn Girl, I'm going to make my way into Atlantis and find the truth! If this war is to cost more lives, it should be stopped!

SATURN GIRL: Without super-powers, you'll risk terrible dangers... So be careful! (vo) I can sense ANOTHER reason for going, in his thoughts...

RAVEN: That's the part of the brain that makes me all funny and tingly...

NARRATOR: And, as Superboy slips through the night and begins his secret mission...

WALDO: Duh, duh, duh duh duh, duh, duh, duh duh duh, Deedle dee, deedle dee, deedle dee, duh duh! (Mission Impossible theme)

SUPERBOY: I not only have to find out the Atlanteans' plans... I must see Leta Lal again!

RAVEN: If I die tomorrow, let me live tonight!

NARRATOR: But as Superboy approaches Atlantis...

ATLANTEAN: Someone tried to sneak into the city, but my shock-gun hit him!

BRAD: It's the Virginity Police!

SUPERBOY: (vo) Ow! My right arm is hit! It's numb... useless... I must get under cover...

WALDO: Undercover angel, midnight fantasy...

NARRATOR: Crippled, half-dazed, the one-time Boy of Steel creeps upward by drains and hidden ways into the mighty city...

SUPERBOY: I've followed these ventilation shafts, peered into every building, but I can't find... wait... there she is!

BRAD: Catherine, it's me, Vincent!

LETA: Superboy! You shouldn't have come here, into the city of your enemies! But what's happened? You're hurt...

WALDO: Of course I'm hurt! Every time I call, your line is busy... Still going out with Derek? I tell you girl, he is SO wrong for you...

SUPERBOY: My arm is numbed... that's all... I had to see you again, Leta...

NARRATOR: Under the shadow of a world catastrophe, the two young people forget all but themselves for a moment!

RAVEN: That's IT? They hold each other's hands and gaze soulfully into each other's eyes? Waldo, you may be right!

NARRATOR: Elsewhere in the city, Brainiac 5 has discovered an unexpected menace!

WALDO: Direct sales.

BRAINIAC 5: Jhor Lal, I've found out why earth air irritates you Atlanteans so badly... the element Xenon in this atmos- phere is poisonous to you, and will kill you, in time!

JHOR: Then we're doomed, for we can't return to Vruun, from whose cruel tyrants we fled!

BRAD: Have you tried Amnesty International?

NARRATOR: The brilliant mind of Brainiac 5 suggests an alternative, and after he has explained it to Chameleon Boy...

BRAINIAC 5: Artificial evolution could make you Atlanteans water-dwellers... and if you sank your city in the ocean, you could live undersea!

WALDO: Darling it's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me!

BRAINIAC 5: Chameleon Boy is changing himself to show what you'd be like!

JHOR: It's better than all of us perishing... We'll do it! We'll become mermen!

BRAD: Yeah, like it took a super-brain to put Atlantis beneath the ocean! All it took was a time machine and a good memory!

NARRATOR: But meanwhile, the infuriated Kryptonians have prepared a mighty weapon!

ZAT-EL: To revenge our dead comrades, we'll destroy Atlantis! Prepare our atomic missile for launching!

WALDO: And remember, no survivors, or we'll be exiled again!

SATURN GIRL: (vo) I must warn Atlantis... Superboy's there, so I'll thought-cast to him! SUPERBOY, A KRYPTONIAN MISSILE IS ABOUT TO BE FIRED AT ATLANTIS... WARN THE CITY...

RAVEN: One if by land, two if by sea!

NARRATOR: When Superboy receives that fateful thought- message and tells Leta of the peril...

BRAD: Darn! And I was just about to make my move, too!

WALDO: Suuuuuuuure...

LETA: Superboy... Please... please prevent this catastrophe ..for me!

SUPERBOY: I'll do my best... Warn your people, Leta... hurry!

NARRATOR: Later, as day breaks, a messenger of death is suddenly halted!

SUPERBOY: I caught the missile... I'll take it and explode it harmlessly elsewhere!

WALDO: Because you can't hug a dinosaur with nuclear arms.

LETA: Superboy has saved us... I knew he would!

BRAINIAC 5: (vo) But how can Superboy have super-powers when Earth's sun is red? It's impossible!

RAVEN: No, to live without her love is just impossible.

NARRATOR: The "impossible" is explained when the divided Legionnaires gather to try to stop the war!

BRAINIAC 5: Mon-El! Then Triplicate Girl told you of our mission, and you flew here, at super-speed, through the time barrier!

MON-EL: Right... and just in time for my super-hearing to pick up a girl's voice begging Superboy to save Atlantis! I borrowed his costume, to make it seem as if HE caught the missile!

WALDO: That was Brainiac 5 and Mon-El, taking the lead in the tag-team exposition event.

NARRATOR: Soon, Brainiac 5 explains to Zat-El...

BRAINIAC 5: The Atlanteans didn't intend to kill anyone! Their shock-guns can only stun them! But, because your bodies are different, they were deadly to you! Now the Atlanteans are becoming adapted to undersea living!

ZAT-EL: Then.. there need be no further war between us!

BRAD: Right, because you'll be living in two different places on a whole big planet! Whereas, before... uh...

NARRATOR: Later, when artifical evolution has transformed the Atlanteans into mer-folk...

RAVEN: Good thing this isn't Kansas.

STAR BOY: By exerting all my super-power, I'm making Atlantis so super-heavy, it's sinking into the sea!

BRAD: See, Star Boy? Your power was useful after all!

WALDO: And don't do drugs.

LETA: Goodbye, Superboy... Goodbye...

SUPERBOY: (vo) I'll never... *choke*... see her again...

NARRATOR: But, as Superman, you'll one day meet Leta Lal's distant descendant... Lori Lemaris of Atlantis!

RAVEN: Byrne's not the only one who hates coincidences.

NARRATOR: The Legionnaires, no longer divided, prepare to return to their own future age!

ZAT-EL: Goodbye, Legionnaires... We're grateful to you!

WALDO: Butter 'em up, they're finally leaving!

ZAT-EL: Our colony will live now... and we're chiseling a rock crypt to keep our records in for all time!

SUPERBOY: Goodbye, Zat-El! (vo) I've noted the location of that crypt! I'll look for it when I'm back in my own era!

WALDO: Tales from the Crypt!

BRAD: The Kryptonian Crypt.

RAVEN: That's a title I skipped.

NARRATOR: But when Superboy returns to the 20th century, and digs down to the long-buried crypt, he finds...

SUPERBOY: (vo) It's their LAST inscription, and it reads: "After the war, there were too few of us left! Our great, tame lizards became wild and attacked us... our colony is perishing!" So that was their fate... But I'll never forget the Lost Colony of Krypton!

BRAD: HEY! I just realized something! I got this story, not from Adventure #333, but Best of DC Digest #64, and they didn't run #333's cover scene!


BRAD: So, it was this convoluted battle scene with Superboy carrying the flag of Krypton, and it was obviously drawn before the story was written, and then they reprint the story without the scene that inspired it!

WALDO: And yet... the story still exists! It is a koan... or perhaps a metaphor...

RAVEN: Or a REALLLLLY long posting. Anyway, on three: one... two... three!