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Captain Marvel Adventures 50
"Capt. Marvel in Villain's Valhalla!!"

COVER IMAGE NOT FOUND Publisher: Fawcett Publications, Incorporated
Published: December 1945, Vol. 9, No. 50
Second Story Title: Capt. Marvel in Villain's Valhalla!!

After that last story where Billy and the captain had such a restful reprieve at Pine Valley, anything must be more restful. Like a rest home for the weary old villains of yesteryear's yesteryear. In the splash panel, Capt. Marvel is flying at the villains, and one villain with a foot long white beard, in his wheelchair is firing his tommygun at the captain.

"Nestled in a valley is a criminal hide-out unknown to the world at large!" But on the gate is clearly written, "VILLAIN'S VALHALLA" Ancient Chinese Secret, huh? (er... sorry, that's Calgon) From the resthome, we hear a group of old-timers reminisce. "YEAH! I drilled dat cop right between da eyes!" "Dat ain't nuttin'! I strangled my man wid my bared hands!" "BAH! Me, Killer Kurt-- I used a knife an' cut people to little bits!"

But then one of them comments on the real issue. It all happened fifty years ago. The good ol' days. In the old days, they were the three most wanted felons on the lam. Then one of them asks the rest, "Didja hear da news?" Their three sons have been captured!

So, off to the jail to visit, in private of course. How could the sons of these three incredible villains have gotten captured? No cop had ever been able to capture their dads!

But as one son pointed out, they didn't have Capt. Marvel in their day!

"CAPT. MARVEL? So what? He wouldn't have stopped us!" Yeah right. I mean Billy could have caught them last story.

So the three old villains are going after the "Big Red Ape" and intend to make a monkey out of him!" I realize apes and monkeys aren't the same species, but that still sounds a bit... redundant.

The three villains, Dead-Eye Dirk, Chuck the Crusher, and Killer Kurt announce to the world they are BACK! They are ready to go on rampage again, and woe be it to Capt. Marvel if he thinks he can stop them.

Enter Billy. He hears, "Hands up!" and you know what we will here next...

SHAZAM! BOOM!

I guess Zeus and Hephaestus got that lightning bolt problem fixed...

Capt. Marvel rounds the corner to see... three refugees from an old home holding up an ordinary citizen. Dead-eye Dirk has his gun out... almost able to hold it steady! So, Captain Marvel (he's the only one that ever spells out his whole name) yells for them to halt in his name!

Chuck the Crusher decides to stop the red upstart. He runs the captain down, and hits himself on the rebound off of Capt. Marvel's invulnerable red chest. Crusher is down for the count.

So, Killer Kurt decided to go after the big, red... er... lightpost. .. and crush it. Hrm... seems these old folks should get some glasses and valium. Even Capt. Marvel is amazed. He tries to point out that Killer is squeezing a lightpost, and that he is off to the side here, but Killer will have nothing to do with it.

Dead-eye decided that's enough! So he aims at the captain and shoots the original crime victim. Which gives the ancient villains a chance to escape, because Capt. Marvel has to fly the victim to the hospital.

So, flush with there success at getting read of the big red Wisconsin... er... cheese-head... they drive off in their old Model A, planning a series of bank robberies. After all, in the old days, they used to rob ten banks a day! They had so much money, they used to through it away.

Capt. Marvel hears of their next robbery while asking the local cops to take it easy on the three old idiots. He flies off to the crime scene. He checks out the bank, but no... they aren't there... they appear to be in the... SHOE STORE?!?

Strangely, even though he's the last to arrive, Capt. Marvel realized they were robbing a shoe store even before the cantankerous old fools did! One is nearly blind, one is practically deaf, and the last is just a buffoon.

Fortunately, the good captain walks in JUST then. At least they have an excuse to do something now. They fire a bullet at him and actually hit him this time! While they run to their getaway car, he's thinking how can he stop them. If he hits them, he might HURT them.

Then he flies ahead of them and stands between them and their car. He is standing there letting their bullets bounce off, and suddenly they realize the bullets only bounce! He grabs their car and tosses it away. They now realize he is STRONG! Uh oh... maybe their kids weren't joking with them!

So, they run!

Now the captain gets cruel! Rather then just grab them and take them to jail, he starts running laps... around the oldtimers as they are running away. I mean really... where is that powerful wisdom of Solomon? I mean, so far, in two stories... we just aren't seeing it.

Finally, he stops toying with them and ties their beards together and flies them to jail, in adjoining cells with their kids. The kids ask if they are believers yet. The oldtimers realize their mistake... "Why didn't we stay at Villain's Valhalla where we belonged?"

The last scene is back at the rest home for robbers... where they converse how stupid those other three were for taking on Capt. Marvel.

In this adventure, Capt. Marvel spends more time just being the silly goof he is. This one kind of shows a personality that fits the Jerry Ordway version of the captain we have seen. He thinks like a kid, treating oldtimers like kids. He certainly wasn't trying to let anyone get hurt. This is my first-ever comic review, so go easy on me, lads & lasses! Being a professional film critic, I thought this would be easier, but--whew!