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Jimmy Olsen 122
"Jimmy Olsen, Freak!"

COVER IMAGE NOT FOUND (80 Page Giant #62) August-September, 1969

Story: Unknown Art: Curt Swan

(Originally Reviewed On 01/10/02)

The young cub reporter has always worshipped stewardess Lucy Lane, hoping that she would return his affection, but today it is Lucy Lane who is receiving the cold shoulder from Jimmy! An impossible occurrence? No, for it happens on the day that Jimmy Olsen becomes a freak! (Holy Happy Hogan, Batman!)

It's Valentine's Day, and outside of Lucy Lane's apartment, Jimmy arrives with a box of candy, only to see a quartet of Lucy's boyfriends, with flowers and expensive gifts in hand. Answering the door, Lucy scolds Jimmy for coming with a mere one pound of candy, while the men in her apartment snicker at his meager offering.

Heading for The Daily Planet, Jimmy decides to buy Lucy an expensive gift, such as a necklace or diamond ring. At noon, the cub reporter is seated on a park bench, eating a bag lunch, intent on saving money for a down payment on a ring, which will no doubt bring a smile to Lucy's face. HUMMMM-MMMM-MMM! Hearing the humming sound, Jimmy rises and sees a flying saucer, which has a strange sort of beam shining upon him! (Holy Jim Beam, Batman!) The female alien emerges from the spaceship, pleased that her psycho-locator beam functioned flawlessly, and pleased to see Jimmy in person! (Holy Bloch, Batman! That apparatus certainly has the right name for it!) Jimmy sees the gorgeous girl, who introduces herself as Princess Ilona of The Sunev Galaxy, and who has been watching Jimmy's exploits with Superman for years, the young cub reporter is her hero and idol! (Holy Stefano, Batman! You think Ilona had that beam tested on herself, first?) Telling Jimmy how much she admires his bravery, his good looks, Ilona tells him that the purpose of her trip is to ask the cub reporter to marry her! The flustered cub reporter needs some time to think it over, as he does have a girlfriend! (Holy Three's Company, Batman! She's got a lot of boyfriends, that's for sure!)

Ilona considers her a mean, inconsiderate child, then insists that Jimmy kiss her so that he'll forget she ever existed! (Holy Perkins, Batman! Something is not right here...) They lock lips and Jimmy realizes he has never been kissed like this before! Once they part, Ilona asks Jimmy if he thinks he'll be able to forget Lucy Lane, and Jimbo is in such a dazed state, that he heartily agrees! Now betrothed, Ilona presents Jimmy with a betrothal gift, according to the customs of her galaxy. Jimmy sees the golden belt, which is decorated with rare jewels! Donning the belt, Jimmy is told by Ilona that the jewels are for far more than mere decoration. Each gem gives Jimmy a super-power! Touching the emerald gives Jimmy the power of flight! Pressing the diamond makes everything the cub reporter touch turn to gold, such as the tree in the park he brushes against!

Touching the ruby renders Jimmy invisible. Wondering how he can thank her, Jimmy is told that he can do so by becoming Ilona's husband, and sharing the riches of her galaxy! So pleased is Ilona, that she insists that they visit her galaxy for the wedding ceremony , but Jimmy requests that they leave at night. He wishes to introduce her to his friends, who'll be attending the Valentine's Day costume ball, particularly his stuck-up girlfriend, and Ilona heartily agrees! At the dance, Lucy is the center of attention, with each man fighting for the opportunity to dance with her, but soon, all eyes turn to Jimmy Olsen, clad in a spaceman costume, and with a glamourous girl on his arm!

Jimmy's friends are stunned by Ilona's unearthly beauty, while the cub reporter freely admits that she's out of this world! Now the center of attention, Ilona only has eyes for Jimmy, who shares a dance with her, while Lucy Lane wonders how the cub reporter would rate a girl like Ilona. Figuring that she underestimated him and that no doubt beneath the boyish appearance, he must have a dynamic personality, Lucy walks over and offers to dance with Jimmy, who yawns and tells her that he's promised all of his dances to his fiancee, who tells her that she is the jealous type, and for Lucy to run along! Realizing that she's lost Jimmy forever, Jimmy has a friend walk her home, while Jimmy watches and gloats about finally having the chance to give Lucy the brush-off! Seeing that it's late, Ilona tells Jimmy that they should be heading for the spaceship and prepare for launch at dawn!

Jimmy tells her that he just needs half an hour to pack his clothes and Superman trophies, then meet her at the park! At dawn, Jimmy heads for the park, pleased that he is to marry a princess, live in the lap of luxury, and grateful that Lucy Lane never accepted any of his proposals! Unbeknowst to Jimmy, the shrubbery conceals some male acquaintances of Ilona's, who see him and know that he is to be number five, as well as Ilona's favorite! Walking into the ambush, Jimmy is suprised to see the quartet of spacemen, who are unimpressed by the mere stripling who Ilona will marry, and their eyes see the betrothal belt! With the opinion that there's much to Jimmy, one of the spacemen presses the jade button on his own belt, and the dyna-ray turns Jimmy into a human balloon, which is good since there will be more of him for Ilona to love!

Figuring that it must be Jimmy's art of conversation which Ilona covets, another spaceman uses the dyna-ray to enlarge the cub reporter's tongue and ears! Noting Jimmy's red hair, the other spaceman uses the dyna-ray to add more red hair to Jimmy's head! Now knowing what it's like for The Man of Steel when he is exposed to Red Kryptonite, Jimmy uses his signal watch to call his pal, and a split-second later, Superman arrives, and asks Vangar, Duran, Rogor, and Berek what they're doing on Earth! The quartet of spacemen greet their old friend, while the transformed Jimmy wonders when his friend will help him, and the startled Superman realizes that the unshaven bouncing boy is none other than Jimmy Olsen! Familiar with the Sunevian magic belts, Superman tells the spacemen to turn Jimmy back to normal!

The four of them are Ilona's husbands, and Jimmy is to be the fifth! (Holy Pete Best, Batman!) Ilona arrives and tells the cub reporter that it's perfectly legal in her galaxy to have many husbands, and that he'll be her favorite! Asking to have a word alone with Superman, Jimmy asks his pal to get him out of this jam, and the grinning Man of Steel points out that to break a Sunevian engagement would be an unforgivable insult which would lead to intergalactic war! However, he has a plan...! The Man of Steel soars away at super-speed, with Ilona wondering where Superman is heading to, and Jimmy tells her that his pal is picking up a couple of things he forget to bring along! Superman returns with two elderly women on each arm, who Jimmy tells Ilona are none other than his wives! Surprised that Jimmy didn't tell her that he was married, the cub reporter tells the stunned Ilona that he didn't think it was important at the time, but not to worry, since she will always be his favorite!

Refusing to marry a man who is married to what she regards as monstrosities, Ilona takes her four husbands and heads for Sunev! As the ship leaves Earth, Jimmy thanks Superman for saving him, and The Man of Steel tells him that Ilona didn't suspect that Jimmy's "wives" were none other than Lois Lane and Lana Lang in disguise, who when told of his predicament, agreed to help! Jimmy asks Lois and Lana for one more favor. Since Lucy saw Jimmy with Ilona, she no doubt has the impression that he is a great lover, and not to tell her the truth, which they agree to, and Lois, in particular, since she's not too pleased by the way her sister has been treating the cub reporter! The following day, a tearful Lucy congratulates Jimmy on his upcoming marriage, while Jimmy tells her that they broke up since Ilona wasn't his type, and she was very jealous! Brightened by the news, Lucy asks Jimmy for a date, with a movie, some chinese food, and a walk in the park, but Jimmy calmly flips through a little black book and tells her that he may be able to see her in a week! He neglects to tell her that he's flipping through his grocery list, but Lucy swoons at the thought that she has a chance to date Jimmy Olsen, and will be waiting night and day by the phone!

Lucy seems to be unusually cruel to Jimmy in this story, about as cruel as Superman is to Lois in the pages of her title around the same time.

Oblivious to the way he's being treated, Jimmy is determined to get her a nice gift, and gets our sympathy, not to mention our incredulity.

Ilona's advances makes me wonder if she was Supergirl in disguise or even Superman in a Red Kryptonite induced transformation of his own.

Still in possession of the betrothal belt, Jimmy could use it to turn objects to gold and increase his income, but in a subsequent story, he'll lose track of the belt.

It'd be interesting to see if any youngsters asked their parents what bigamy is, or if it was referred to in the letters pages. No doubt, Weisinger or their parents would tell them it's an advanced form of math, such as Trigonometry or Algebra. One Ilona equals five husbands!

For once, Lois and Lana weren't trying to unmask Superman or trick him into becoming their husband.

This Review Is Dedicated To Rich Goldberg and Tom Johnston

Steve Chung
"Jimmy Olsen, Review!"