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Jimmy Olsen 122
"A Date With Miss Metropolis"

COVER IMAGE NOT FOUND August - September, 1969

Story: Unknown Art: Unknown

(Originally Reviewed On 01/14/02)

Cub reporter Jimmy Olsen, Superman's Pal, would be a fine date for any girl. From starlets to beauty queens, but on this day, Jimmy meets the antithesis of a glamour girl, and his greatest challenge on a date with Miss Metropolis! At The Daily Planet, Perry White has an assignment for an interview with Gloria Mason, the teenager who has just become Miss Metropolis, and with Lois and Clark busy on assignment, Jimmy eagerly volunteers, figuring that she must have won a beauty contest! Perry knows that Jimmy had been out of town when Miss Metropolis was chosen, and the poor cub reporter has no idea what he's in for!

Outside, Jimmy is balancing himself on the cracks on the sidewalk, and figures since Gloria must have won a beauty contest, he should spruce himself up as well! The cub reporter purchases a bouquet, and when he arrives at Miss Mason's penthouse apartment, he sees her from the back, and takes in her statuesque beauty, then waits for her to turn around. Once she has turned around, Jimmy sees that she wears glasses and has a slight overbite, which makes Jimmy ask her how she became Miss Metropolis. Gloria explains that the rules were changed in the year of our lord, 1958, and Jimmy sees the inscription on her trophy, "Miss Metropolis of 1958... Girl With Highest I.Q." (Holy Vertigo, Batman! I guess Jimbo figures that bigger is better.) After a brief interview, Jimmy gets ready to leave, but Gloria wishes to hear more about him, he who is Superman's pal, and a famous cub reporter. Willing to keep tomorrow open for him, Gloria holds his hand, while Jimmy thinks about an excuse for not showing up tomorrow.

The following evening finds Jimmy about to watch Teen Time, when the phone rings. It's Gloria, who wonders when the cub reporter will be coming over, and Jimmy thinks about telling her that he has a broken leg, when the TV Teens are having a romantic moment, with the boy asking the girl if she'll go steady with him. Impressed with what she hears, Gloria agrees to go steady with Jimmy and invites him over, to his horror! At the apartment, Gloria closes her eyes and tells him to kiss her, while Jimmy tells her that she's much too intellectual to believe in such silly stuff. (Holy Pal Jimmy, Batman! You believe a man can fly?!) Taking Jimmy by the arm, Gloria agrees, then asks him what he thinks of the relativity theory, to which Jimbo replies, "Relatives are fine!" Intent on breaking the proposal, Jimmy is interrupted by reporters and photographers, who take their picture, hearing that Jimmy is her fiance, the cub reporter can't possibly break off the engagement without people in town finding out about it.

At The Planet, Lois tells Jimmy that she didn't think he went for the brainy type, and the cub reporter rubs his forehead, knowing that even his pal can't get him out of this one. Unfortunately, mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent is unaware of Jimmy's distress, congratulating the cub reporter on knowing that beauty is only skin-deep, then suggests a double-date, with him, Lois, and Gloria for some bowling. Figuring that Gloria can't be good at bowling, Jimmy hopes to make her angry so that she'll break the engagement. At the bowling alley, Gloria rolls strike after strike, telling Jimmy that it's all about the density of the ball, the length of the alley, and the spacing of the pins. Jimmy fears that he won't be able to beat this human computer. Meanwhile, Clark, too, is bowling a perfect game, and Lois suspects that he's really Superman. Knowing that he's been using super-aim, Clark pretends to have used Gloria's formula, and continues to bowl a perfect game. (Holy Nike, Batman! Does this mean that Tiger Woods is really Black Lightning?)

Gloria's score is twice Jimmy's and outside, she suggests that they go dancing, with the cub reporter dreading his friends seeing the square he's with. (Holy Rubik, Batman! Jimmy's a real cube, as Dev-Em would put it.) With Gloria taller than him, Jimmy seems to be on his knees, but knowing that Gloria might not know how to jitterbug, he hopes to get off the dance floor. Jimmy's plan to dance with other girls to make Gloria sore is doomed, since all she has to do is work out a formula for the hep beat, and Jimmy wonders if he can somehow outwit her. On the way home, they see a crook and a policeman having a shoot-out. Jimmy prepares to activate his signal-watch, but Gloria has an idea. Jimmy places his hat on a stick, then stick it out so that the crook will shoot at it...

A shot is fired, and Gloria has calculated that the bullet will ricochet up from the stone wall, hitting a flower pot off the window sill, which falls and knocks out the bandit. The officer cuffs the unconscious crook, then tells the kids that they'll get the reward for the capture of the crook. Gloria figures that once they're married, she and Jimmy can catch crooks without Superman's help. With her brains and Jimmy's underworld contacts, they can make a lot of money. (Holy Hart To Hart, Batman!) Seeing that Gloria is the greedy, mercenary type, Jimmy wonders if he should disguise himself and leave the country, then figures it's the coward's way out. At a dime store, Jimmy purchases a cheap engagement ring, then changes the price, confident that Gloria will be able to spot the glass blue diamond, and be furious with him.

While Jimmy sleeps, Superman passes by on his nightly patrol, then sees the glass diamond on Jimmy's dresser. Figuring that his pal has been swindled, The Man of Steel soars towards a nearby coal yard, then squeezes a lump of coal into a diamond! Entering the bedroom, Superman replaces the fake diamond with the real one, thinking how Jimmy won't suffer for having a false ring. At the apartment, Gloria is thrilled at the generosity of her fiancee, while Jimmy smacks his head in surprise, for he is now hooked, and she thinks he's madly in love with her! The following day finds Jimmy calling Gloria from the Planet, telling her that he's too busy to go interview Sir Cedric Feathertip, Earl of Sussex, an English celebrity who came for a visit, and asks her if she interview him, instead. During the interview, the English gentlman kisses her hand, then tells her how he won a fortune as a contestant on The Quiz Bloke show, answering questions on Einstein's Theory of Relativity and other simple things. Gloria is impressed by Sir Cedric's high I.Q.

He tells her that his I.Q. is 176, well above genius level, and that he could win many cash prizes on American quiz shows, that is, if he had an expert assistant. Gloria mentions that she was chosen as Miss Metropolis for having the highest I.Q. among girls. Sir Cedric grips her shoulders, confident that they can bankrupt any quiz show, as well as spending their evenings writing encyclopedias, and enjoy married life. Confident that they'd be richer than Fort Knox, Gloria accepts his proposal. When Jimmy arrives at her apartment, Gloria gives him the ring back, telling him it's Sir Cedric she loves, and that theirs is a match made in minds, while Jimmy doesn't matter. Jimmy takes back the ring, agreeing with her decision. When Superman's patrol brings him near the docks, he sees Jimmy tying rope to an anchor, and talking about his troubles being over. Having heard about Gloria jilting him, The Man of Steel urges Jimmy to reconsider. Smiling, Jimmy tells his pal that he's merely getting rid of a disguise, while Superman's x-ray vision sees the English clothes, the monocle, cane, fake mustache, black wig, and stilts, which made Jimbo taller. The Man of Steel understands that Gloria will never see "Sir Cedric" again, jilting Jimmy, and now with no fiancee whatsoever. Jimmy figures it's what she deserves for being so fickle and greedy. He hopes that she ends up with an electronic brain, and that she thought he was dumb?

Superman's pal is caught in the bonds of holy matrimony. (Holy Eubanks, Batman!)

True that Jimmy was expecting a beauty contestant (or these days, a Victoria's Secret model), but I don't think that Gloria was unattractive, and that being intelligent should be a turn-off. No doubt Jimbo took several cold showers after the interview.

Interesting that Gloria couldn't tell the difference between Jimmy's voice and an actor on the TV.

Ah, The Silver Age, where bowling was the extreme sport of the day. In the Sixties, Gloria was probably bowling for dollars.

Interesting that Gloria is tall and Jimmy is short. She's about a head taller than him, though.

The disguise which Jimmy contemplates using to leave the oountry is interesting, in that the mask resembles Richard Nixon.

Leave it to Superman to bail out a pal by making sure the blue diamond ring was real and not a fake. Incidentally, my mom got a blue diamond engagement ring from my father when they were dating.

"The Quiz Bloke Show" What a name! I bet the questions would be along the lines of, "Name The Doctor played by Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee, Baker, Davison, Baker, and McCoy." "Who?"

Charles Van Doren was a contestant and big winner on the quiz show "21." He became a correspondent on The Today Show, but it was soon learned that he was encouraged to cheat by the producers of the quiz show.

Hmm, if Gloria Mason had been a beauty contestant, would Jimmy have been that quick to reject her or vice-versa? It would probably be a shorter story.

This Review Is Dedicated To Steve Cohen

From The Other Steve C

"A Review With Miss Metropolis"