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Lois Lane 27
"Lois Lane's Super-Brain!"


Story: Unknown
Art: Kurt Schaffenberger

Since there's no one in the world who wouldn't mind added intelligence, Lois Lane doesn't mind when she learns that she's the most intelligent woman on Earth. The only thing the girl reporter hadn't planned on was the end result of her "gift". How she reacts to the price of her new genius is the tale of "Lois Lane's Super-Brain!" The morning finds the girl reporter visiting an electronic laboratory. Lois asked her sister, Lucy to come with her for an interview with Professor Holt. Lucy has already arrived and is with the Professor. Once inside, the girl reporter learns from her sister about the Professor's newest invention, a computer which can absorb electrical brain wave impulses from the minds of geniuses and store them.

Professor Holt corrects the stewardess by saying that his machine is a brain bank which gathers the knowledge of famous people. The brain bank has already absorbed information from hundred of people. In the afternoon, several guests arrive to have their intellect contributed to the Professor's brain bank. Lois has already met Dr. Von Schmitt, the famous archeologist, when she and Clark Kent reported the opening of an Egyptian tomb. A famous Mathematician allows his intelligence to be transferred into the brain bank. The Professor hopes to make his machine work in reverse and give information to people. By doing this, one person could carry the sum knowledge of the brain bank. The last contributor is a zoologist. It is the Professor's theory that if a certain switch were to be reversed, the entire contents of the bank would flow via electrical impulses to a person's head. The transfer would have to be repeated many times or else it would wear off in about a week. When Professor Holt sees his final guest out the door, Lois asks Lucy to take her picture for the article. The girl reporter dons the brain helmet, to make it appear that she is adding her mind to the brain bank. As she adjusts some wires, Lucy sees with horror that the switch has been reversed.

ZZZZZZ With the current reversed, hundred of great minds find their knowledge entering the head of Lois Lane. After she recovers from the shock, Lois tells her sister that nothing happened, and they better leave before Professor Holt learns what they've been doing. The stewardess hopes that he doesn't find out that his brain bank was just robbed. That night, as Lois and Lucy walk back to the apartment, the girl reporter tells her sister about how the cepheid variables are the most dependable stars. The Delta Star in the constellation Cepheus which was the first Cepheid star to be discovered. Since Lois never knew anything about Astronomy, Lucy figures that her sister must have gotten the astronomer's knowledge from the brain bank. The girl reporter admits that it feels like there's hundreds of minds in her head. The next morning finds Lois waking up with a terrible headache. When the light is turned on, Lucy sees an impossible sight, and doesn't know how to break the news to her

Looking into the mirror, the girl reporter sees that she now has a swelled head, and no more hair. Lucy sees that the fallen hair is on her pillow, having fallen from the sudden enlargement of Lois's brain and skull. By absorbing the entire contents of the brain bank, the shape of the girl reporter's head has changed, and increased its size. Lucy reminds her sister that the Professor said that the effects were only temporary. On the bright side, Lois Lane is the most intelligent woman on Earth. Lois is more concerned about her looks and how the Man of Steel would probably be disgusted by her after giving her a lecture. Later, Lucy receives a call from Perry White. Lois gets an idea for hiding her huge head. When the editor arrives, he asks why his reporter is under a hair-drier. Since her sister just shampooed her hair, it's only natural for her to be under the hair-drier. Thanks to her new intelligence, she should be able to outwit anyone and keep them from learning about her huge head. Perry tells them about meeting Gary Moore and how the host wants the girl reporter to appear on the "I've Got A Secret" TV show. Her secret is to be her recent article of the Egyptian tomb discovered by Dr. Van Kratz.

After the Daily Planet editor has left the apartment, Lucy wonders how her sister can possibly be on TV with her huge head. While looking over some souvenirs from Egypt, Lois Lane gets an idea. That night on the "I've Got A Secret" TV show, Gary Moore introduces the panelists to the mystery guest. The hood she's wearing was her own idea. Looking at the size of her head, one panelist figures that she must be the world's ugliest woman. Moore smiles and tells him he's wrong. The girl reporter bristles at the panelist's comment, but is determined that they'll be surprised when she takes off the hood. When the panel fails to come up with the right answer, Lois removes her hood, and they see that she is wearing an Egyptian Queen Nefertiti crown and hairstyle. Back at the apartment, the girl reporter knows that her luck can't possibly hold out, and decides to rent a place on Metropolis Beach during the off-season. The next day finds Lois and Lucy visiting the Metropolis Beach Zoo. With no crowds, they have the run of the zoo. The girl reporter starts taking pictures of the ostriches.

Lois and Lucy are startled when they hear the voice of Jimmy Olsen calling out to them. Before the cub reporter can spot them, Lois gets an idea, and is thankful that she has the mind of a zoologist. When Jimmy steps from atop a sand dune, he greets Lucy, and sees that his girlfriend is busy. She is taking pictures of her sister with her head buried in the sand. Lois tells Jimmy that they're exploring the legend of ostriches burying their heads in the sand. In fact, ostriches never do that, and only lower their neck to scratch an itch. With the picture taken, Lucy insists that she and Jimmy go out for a hamburger. As they leave, the cub reporter can't help but admire his fellow reporter's determination to get a story. Lois is happy that she's really used her head in more ways than one. With Lucy and Jimmy on their way, the girl reporter decides to call up Perry White, and go on a two week vacation for some wide open spaces. That evening, Lois is driving on the highway
and sleeping in motel rooms by day. When she leaves the car, she'll cover her head with a veil, and stay out of sight.

Days pass, with Lois Lane arriving in Las Vegas, and hoping that the brain-transfer wears off before the Man of Steel spots her with his x-ray vision. When she stops at the Lucky Lady Motel, she hopes that it will mean that she'll enter unobserved. Later, she overhears a newlywed telling his wife that he's lost all their money gambling, and will try his luck at the Las Vegas Inn to win back his losses. Peering out of her window, Lois recognizes the girl as a former classmate, and remembers seeing a neon sign advertising a tropical dance review. One hour later, the girl reporter is using the mind of a private detective to step through the shadows, and observe that there are only nineteen showgirls instead of twenty on stage. Lois goes backstage for the unused costume, and hollows out the bottom of the basket so that it fits over her huge head. Once the show ends, she'll wander the gambling room, and aid the newlywed in getting back his money.

Spotting him at a roulette wheel, Lois uses a math genius's brain to compute the possible permutations and outcomes to win at the game. She suggests to him that he follow her system. He soon wins back his money and agrees to quit while he's ahead. After changing back to her own wardrobe, the girl reporter sees the Science-Fiction Costume Ball, and tries to leave before someone recognizes her. Before she can make her exit, the girl reporter is complimented on her costume by the judges, and is considered for the first prize. Later at the ballroom, the judges awards the little lady with the big ugly head first prize, and compliment her on her artful makeup. Although it appears to them that she's crying tears of joy, Lois is miserable because she's now a freak. As she returns to the hotel, the girl reporter sees a familiar flying figure coming in for a landing.

It is not the Man of Steel, but a Bizarro-Superman. He is not Bizarro-Number One, who is married to Bizarro-Lois Number One, and has spotted her while cruising around Bizarro World. Thinking that she's the most beautiful girl in the universe, the Bizarro-Superman wants her to marry him. He agrees to give her enough time to think over the marriage proposal, and will return in the morning for her answer. How horrible she must be if a backwards brained Bizarro thinks that she's beautiful. The next morning finds Bizarro in for a horrible surprise. Seeing how ugly and repulsive she is, he changes his mind, and decides to return to Bizarro World on the double. If the Bizarro can't bear to look at her, Lois must take a look for herself in the mirror. The brain transfer has worn off overnight. Lois Lane figures that any woman would rather have her own familiar face than a super-brain if she's really smart. Now she can return to Metropolis and see the Man of Steel, the only one with a super-brain and super-good looks.

On the cover of Superman's Girl Friend, Lois Lane #27, a Bizarro-Superman considers Lois Lane's Super-Brain to make her the most beautiful girl in the universe, and since he loves her, he wants her to marry him. The girl reporter figures that she must be ugly if the Bizarro thinks that she's beautiful, and the evolution ray that gave her super-intelligence has also transformed her into a freak.

On the splash page, Lois peers fearfully towards the night sky, and sees what she believes to be the Man of Steel about to drop in on her. In this face-to-face meeting, there's more to it than may be taken at face value.

The brain helmet looks like a stick shift for the human head.

Unfortunately for the girl reporter, she decides to play Pole Position with her own cranium.

Lois was suffering withdrawal from the brain bank, but she made good on her return to normal.

The girl reporter has met real-life celebrities like Gary Moore, Pat Boone, and Perry Como.

It's no day at the beach when Jimmy Olsen drops in for a visit.

It's no night in the Tropics for Lois when she wins first prize at the Science Fiction Costume Ball.

In 1964, Captain Christopher Pike would meet the Talosians in the first Star Trek pilot, "The Cage".

I consider Kurt Schaffenberger to be the definitive Lois Lane artist and John Forte to be the definitive Bizarro artist.

This review is dedicated to Rich Goldberg and James

Steve Chung
"Lois Lane's Super-Review!"