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Cover: Kurt Schaffenberger, illustrating the issues third story, The Girl Who Refused to Marry Superman!Superman sits in a wheelchair in his hospital room, with a broken leg, broken arm and bandaged head, saying, Lois and Lana a freak accident has taken away my super-powers and made me an invalid! Now that Ill be an ordinary man for life, Im sure neither of you will want to marry me! The two women have their faces covered by black squares, and one is saying, Youll never be ordinary to ME! Youll always be YOU, the man I love! ILL marry you! while the other says, Ill be honest with you, SUPERMAN! Without your super-powers, I wouldnt dream of marrying you! The caption: Featuring a modern Lady or the Tiger puzzle! Can you guess who is The Girl Who Refused to Marry Superman!
The Invisible Lois Lane
Script: ?, pencils: Curt Swan, inks: George Klein
In the splash panel, Clark Kent changes to Superman in the shadows alongside a building, while an invisible Lois thinks, WOW! At last Ive got PROOF that SUPERMAN and Clark Kent are one and the same person! After this temporary invisibility wears off, Im going to have some fun! For a long, long time SUPERMANs been laughing at me secretly, but ha, ha, ha now IM going to have the LAST LAUGH!
As the story begins, eccentric Professor Potter is showing Lois his latest batch of discoveries. When he points out a short-term invisibility serum, Lois has an Olsenesque flash of inspiration and guzzles it down. Oh, no! cries the professor, You swallowed the serum! Youre fading from view!!Foolish girl! I started to tell you that any human drinking it will suffer unpleasant side effects...such as strange hallucinations! Itll be WORTH it!! thinks Lois.
After nearly being hit by a van, Lois spots Clark Kent leaving the Daily Planet building for lunch and follows him, hoping to catch him turning into Superman. In a stroke of luck, a machine-gun-wielding man is running out of a jewelry store with a satchel. Moments later, in the alley the scene foreshadowed by the splash panel takes place, with Clark peeling back his shirt as see-through Lois thinks, Great Scott! Clark took off his glasses and now hes removing his outer garments, revealing a SUPERMAN costume underneath! My hunch was right. Meek, mild, shy Clark is secretly dynamic SUPERMAN!!
Lois watches Superman make short work of the robber (Gaaa! M-my machine-gun bullets bounce right off your jaw! yells the hood, obviously new in town) and change back into Clark clothes. Shall I tell him Im wise to his jealously-guarded secret?No! Wait! she muses, as she becomes visible again. SUPERMAN must have had loads of laughs pulling the wool over my eyes all these years [well, yes ] But heres where the worm turns! Now IM going to have some secret laughs at HIS expense! She walks around a corner to run into Clark, and they go to lunch together, a safe almost landing on Clark as they walk down the sidewalk. When they get back to work, Perry White asks Clark to count the bags of coins sent in by readers as contributions to the Metropolis Orphans Fund. Lois sabotages the coin-counting machine and hangs around to help Clark count the coins by hand, thereby preventing him from counting at super-speed. Getting impatient, SUPERMAN? Ha, ha! You must be sizzling! she thinks, as Clark says, $487.56 $487.57 $487.67 [It might be easier, Clark, if you separated the coins by denomination first ]
The next evening Lois is waiting for Clark at an amusement park. She watches the operator of the ol hammer & bell strength-tester game and thinks, I get it! The owner is pressing a button, so a hidden, powerful spring makes the ball shoot up so that his accomplice wins a prize thus attracting more business!hm-mm When Clark arrives, she wheedles him into trying it, and presses the button so that he rings the bell despite trying to swing the hammer lightlywinning him the rating of superman and a transistor radio, and flustering him further.
The day after that, Lois and Clark visit a warehouse owned by a friend who was robbed of furs. The friend says, Im closing, now. Take these keys and lock up when you leave! I hope you find a clue to the identity of the crooks who stole three mink coats from our fur vault! Of course, when Clark walks into the fur storage freezer Lois locks him in. Awp! he thinks, nearly losing his composure. An ordinary man would soon freeze to death in here! I could force open the thick steel door easily but doing so would reveal the fact that Im SUPERMAN! Wh-whatll I do?? Lois lets him stew for a while, thinking, If Clark bursts out, hell expose himself as SUPERMAN. And if he remains inside, with no ill effects from the zero temperature, thatll unmask him, too! Ha, ha! He cant escape THIS little trap! When she finally opens the door, pretending that shes been looking for him, he has wrapped himself in mink coats to justify not being dead.
The next day, Lois has come up with yet another sadistic little ruse [does she ever actually write an article? For that matter, does Clark? Presumably the Daily Planet comes out dailyis there any news in it?]she tells Clark that shes discovered that Perry White is Superman, and leads him into Perrys office. While Perry dozes at his desk, Lois opens his closet door and shows Clark a Superman costume, Superman masks, and padding for making one appear fat. When Clark says he doesnt believe it, Lois picks up a handgun from Perrys desk (Ha! This toy weapon is filled with BLANKS! It was used by the Toy Gun Bandit in a holdup! I painted the gun with lead paint so Clarks x-ray vision wont be able to look inside and discover the bullets are harmless!) and points it at Perry. But before Clark can confess to keep her from shooting, Perry wakes up. Hey! Put down that toy gun! he says, grabbing it with one hand while the other holds something up to one eye. As it turns out, Perry has a black eye from bumping into a door; I took some pills to ease the pain, and I guess they made me fall asleep! he explains. Lois is forced to admit that black-eye-sporting, pain-pill-popping Perry cant be Superman, and she and Clark leave the room in stony silence, Clark thinking, I awakened Perry by giving him a hot foot with my HEAT VISION! I knew he had a black eye and I figured that when Lois saw it, she would have to admit he couldnt possibly be invulnerable!
Later, Lois sees a story on the news wire and the following exchange takes
L: This news bulletin says a ships sinking at sea! Hundreds of lives may be lost! Go save it, at once!
C: Me save the ship? What can I possibly do, Lois?
L: You know very well how you can save it! YOURE SUPERMAN, THE MAN OF STEEL! Now stop pretending and take off!
C: Loiswhats got into you? Im no more SUPERMAN than you areJACQUELINE KENNEDY!
Lois then grabs a pair of scissors and is shocked to find that Clarks hair cuts easily; then she rips open his shirt and finds there is no costume underneath. Whatever gave you the wild idea that I, of all people, am SUPERMAN? asks Clark, as if this has never come up before. Lois sputters and Clark leaves, to take care of some personal business. Lois calls Professor Potter, who assures her that when she saw Clark change into Superman it was just a hallucination caused by the serum. Superman, observing from above the clouds, reflects on the real explanationit seems that when Lois started acting strangely (or more so than usual) he deduced that she had discovered his identity and was toying with him. So, naturally he went looking for amnesia victims of his own size and build, and found one at Metropolis Hospital, a test-pilot named Roy Wilkins who lost his memory in a crash. Superman coerced him to agree to put on a mask and play Clark Kent by promising to restore his memory afterwards, and meanwhile Superman saved the sinking ship. Flashback over, he meets amnesiac Roy behind the Daily Planet building and kills him so he cant talk. No, not reallyhe picks him up and flies loops with him, causing Roy to remember everything up until his accident (After their memories return, Superman thinks as he flies away, former amnesia victims cant recall what happened DURING their period of amnesia!). The story ends at a celebrity style show where Lois is modeling, as she says to Clark, To think I almost froze you to death in that fur vault ! I promise never again to try and prove youre SUPERMAN!
The story is followed by a one-page Varsity Vic by the ubiquitous Henry Boltinoff.